my weekend.

Sunday: It was a good game. Valiant effort. Disappointing & frustrating, yes, but a good end to an extremely lucky season if I can say so myself. Made a deal that I'd consume some drinks in the evening if we were victorious; ended up going to an amazing show at neumo's sober (I was the DD for once). Barrington Levy. Reggae guru. You can enjoy him without the greens or alcohol, I promise.

Saturday: Watched "Stomp The Yard" again. Wasn't as fun as the first time, mostly due to an obnoxious alpha male sitting a couple rows ahead of me. He wouldn't stop talking. I'm not exaggerating. He really had something to say about every single frick'n line in the movie and even more to say during the silent parts. He finally decided to leave the film for alcohol... I know this because he thought it appropriate to announce it after telling people to suck on his genitalia. And no, he did not forget to yell out racial remarks. Consisted of crackers... watta world.

Friday: Went to Chopstix (piano bar). You can request songs on a mini-square paper, almost the size of an oragami sheet, and the pianist(s) generally play requested songs in order of who attaches the most amount of money. I gave $5. In big, BOLD letters I wrote "BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY - QUEEN". I was there for a birthday party... not friends with the dude but we know each other. Guy next to me tells me to write on the bottom of the sheet that it's his birthday so being the nice person that I am, I wrote, in a tiny font, "it's ricky's birthday. maybe a birthday song?". I should've expected it... jerkoff chooses to ignore my request and rather, asks the b-day boy to come sit on stage while the dbag sings some stupid birthday song... wow. Wow. I want my money back. Seriously? Seriously.

christmas is coming & my parents are in korea, not that christmas has ever been a huge thing in the shin family. i've been cordially invited to three of my friends' homes; realizing how great it is to have people who care about you in life, even if it might be only for a few moments. probably going to wake up, grab some starbucks, watch a movie & start boozin. * an important person in my life has decided to move away around my 23rd birthday. the great thing is is that i already know what i have and what i will be desperately missing once he's gone. and i'm grateful for that. it really sucks. * things have been good. i realize that i haven't been to church in awhile and there is no other time of the year that is more appropriate for church-going... it's really a lack of motivation and a love for drinking. * 'keeping it real' is a difficult phrase to live by, but it sure makes things easy. people will always give you a hard time, especially your friends (which is ironic). i've been getting better with being bitter so things have been pretty chill. can't make everyone happy. learning to really appreciate someone/something is quite the accomplishment. * work is good. loving the co-workers as of late. * watched the pursuit of happyness. i prepared for some tears, even wore a hoodie, but they never came. my three friends had no problem. it was kind of irritating... i mean i was READY for it. but the film was enjoyable nonetheless. (side note: i've been oddly emotional for the past seven months. i can cry relentlessly in movies, sometimes with music, nowadays which is pretty freaky if you know me at all. i mean, i guess it feels good.) *happy holidays. 

i've been half-assing a lot of things these days. i make the phone call but don't leave the necessary message. i research to find a potential job but don't post/e-mail my resume. i think about the good ol' times but make no attempt to make new memories. i read through half of the article, half the stats, instead of forcing disinterest down my throat (even though it would clearly benefit me to attain that particular knowledge). an improvement? i'd like to think so.

i affect my mood as much as those i surround myself with do. i've been antsy, trying to find the change i need. i think i've missed the bandwagon. but i've been doing better, keeping busy, trying not to put myself between a rock and a hard place as often as before.

there is so much negativity and anger in this world. M. Night Shyamalan got it right. not saying that you didn't think it evident that our world defines dysfunctional. people just tend to ignore the bigger problem by creating their own dramas, making it personal. you're never alone you know.

i believe everyone strives to make their life worthwhile. whatever background or religion or ethnicity, all anyone wants to achieve is a personal success. an inner peace. it just takes a little bit more effort and time with some. so we should all just calm down. take a couple of deep, yoga-like breaths and learn to support. control is key.

i hurt my back again. it's getting tired. i mean me, in pain and complaining about it. i'm in mount vernon. i thought it was ghetto (in a country way) but ya know, there are perks. the sky, the sun, the distant mountains. i underestimate nature's amazing effects. beautiful really. i know i should be looking for a job but how do you start searching when you don't want a specific career? i want to be a nomad but i need the funds and funds come from a career. i'm screwed. unless i get some great job stationed in australia. that would be ideal. i feel like i've been surrounded by a cloud of gross things this whole week.

i'm as aimless as my entry.

it might be time for me to write again. i've been gone for some time. i like returning to things.

never hold back. if i've learned anything in the past one point five weeks it is this: do not hold back. if you feel something, express it. if you want to say something, say it. people take advantage of their time. well, you shouldn't. so don't take my advice because i'm just a stupid lil' young 22 year old asian chick who's obviously distressed... but i'm telling ya, things are much easier if you just DO IT. so do. it.

how much did you miss angry steph shin? lots i bet.